Nirbhaya...We are with you...

Manusmiriti says "Yatra naryastu pujyante ramante tatra Devata, yatraitaastu na pujyante sarvaastatrafalaah kriyaah", which can be literally translated as : “Gods reside where women are given their due respect; & all actions remain unfruitful, where they are not respected.”

Today, as the Parliamentarians are engaged in discussing the propriety & legalities of allowing the making of the Nirbhaya Documentary & its (supposed) impact on India’s image the world-over; as the intellectuals & journalists are discussing the political correctness of the views expressed by the accused & their lawyers – I stand numb, sad, bewildered & feel ashamed about everything that I have been proud of as an Indian.

I’m reminded of a scene in 1997 Hindi movie ‘Tamanna’, where the woman head of a political family, orders her maid servant, to dispose off her newly born grand-daughter in a garbage bin. After the maid comes back & reports it to her, she is seen praying in front of Goddess Durga. The poignancy of the scene never left me & the hypocrisy of our culture, our religions, our self-righteous behavior has been permanently etched in my mind ever since.

I have heard in numerous discussions & debates that “protection of women” requires change in “male attitudes”; as if there is some magic pill which the men can be forced to pop, as if some magic law can change the deeply rooted chauvinism inherent in our societies, cemented & solidified by centuries of male centric thinking. I have a slightly different take on the issue. Edmund Burke had said – “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.” If this is true, the solution rests with the women of our country themselves.

As one of the ads in TV claims – “Men will always be men”. Why wait for men to change? Why can’t “women be women”? Male chauvinism in men & the society is fed & supplemented by “male chauvinism” in women. The time has come for women to take things in their own hands, for their own good, & reclaim what they rightfully deserve. All women, please stop treating your mothers & mother(s)-in-law, daughters & daughter(s)-in-law, sisters & sister(s)-in-law, etc as different & subservient to some male member(s) in the family. Shed your mindset of being an underdog. Be the personification of health, wealth, creativity, power & fertility – forms in which the woman power is deified in our culture. Get out of the mindset of social privileges (like mother-in-law, as against her daughters-in-law; or vice versa) & politically motivated reservations. Fight & fight hard. You have everything in you to do what you want to do, & to achieve what you want to achieve. Unite as women. Many amongst you will perish doing it. But do it for larger good – for womenfolk, for society, for country, for the world.

Remember – we, men, are incomplete without you. It is you, in various forms, which complete us. You complement us, as well as supplement us. We wield our power because of you. We desire you, adore you, want you, love you; as much as we fear you & revere you… Don’t take care, take control.

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The article was originally written on 7th March 2015. I, however, need to add the following additions as on date, that is 28th May 2022.

One of my acquaintances asked me this after reading - Do the oppressed have agency, i.e., do they play a decisive role in the oppressor-oppressed dynamic? 

I have, however, a slightly different take on the question posed by her. I wonder whether the oppressor-oppressed binary is the only way of looking at the issue. In fact, one of my other friends completely misunderstood this article. She derided me for putting the onus of freedom squarely on the shoulders of women instead of men. Though already expressed in the article, I emphatically need to clarify the following.

First, the relationship between men & women in society is symbiotic. It is not "He versus She", but "He and She". Men simply cannot do without women. As mothers, wives, daughters, daughters-in-law & as friends, women play a pivotal role in the life of men. More apt would be the understanding of the concept of "Purush & Prakriti" as mentioned in various texts. On a more socially visible level, traditionally, men have been the providers, while women have been the sustainers of the family, which is the basic unit of any society. For example, can any part of our body claim superiority over any other part? 

Second, the Marxist ideology & even some religious ideologies, of seeing all conflicts in the world through the binaries of "oppressor versus oppressed", the "us versus them", the "with me or against me", etc precludes us from viewing it through a more nuanced perspective. In no way am I implying that women's rights are not being trampled upon, or that violence in myriad forms is not being heaped upon them. I just wanted to convey that, unfortunately enough, many women become active collaborators with men to wreak even more vicious forms of physical / mental violence against other women. Women just have to make sure that what wrongs have happened with them should not be perpetrated against any other women within their circle of influence. A simple statistical analysis of dowry deaths in India would give an indication about how many women as mothers-in-law have been involved in the crime themselves.

Third, strength within oneself comes first from its acknowledgement. As a corollary, women are the makers of their destiny. My article intended to exhort women folk to recognize this and take steps towards realizing this and acting upon the strengths. For example, I am grooming my 10 year old daughter to realize that though she is different from her elder brother, she is a force unto herself. I tell her that neither she is 'equal' to her brother, nor is my son 'equal' to her; and can never be. The idea is to recognize and accept the physiological & mental differences, while also collaborating with each other for maximizing the social gains.